smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
