I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
