Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
