her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Randomize
