i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
