I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
