oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
