sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Randomize
