RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
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