I am puke
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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