True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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