i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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