Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
