I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
