I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
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