If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
