Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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