i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
worst night to have a conscience
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
