i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
Can't talk, ducks in the car
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
