she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
