ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
