Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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