just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Randomize
