Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
apparently the secret to your success is patron
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
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