You're my little dorito
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
