I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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