I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
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