well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
