this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
