Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
