How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
Randomize
