i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Randomize
