Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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