Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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