his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I love having hate sex.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
