So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
