Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
