the condom got lost in my hair
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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