We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
