It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
