Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
