Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
