Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
