Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
