who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Randomize
