1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
