weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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