I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
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