I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
