Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She's the barista slut.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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