I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
