You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
