And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
